Always We Begin Again
AM Psalm 105:1-22 • PM Psalm 105:23-45
Exod. 24:1-18 • Col. 2:8-23 • Matt. 4:12-17
In the Gospel lesson from Matthew we read, “From that time Jesus began to proclaim, ‘Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.’” When I hear the word “REPENT” I’m reminded of the wild-eyed TV preachers whose call for repentance seems one of judgment that holds little love or grace for me…or for anyone.
I’m also reminded of my time as a student in the Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) Program at UAMS in Little Rock. There each student was expected to present written “verbatims” from patient interactions to our small class of eight student chaplains and our two supervisors for reflection and learning. The key here was that we were not to bring interactions where everything went well, but where things went wrong.
I remember how defensive I was at first when questions were asked and comments made. I felt judged and incompetent—and didn't like it one bit! Finally, one of my supervisors, sensing my angry defensiveness, asked, “Trent, do you want a pat on the head from us or do you want to learn about yourself and become a better chaplain to your patients?” This question turned my understanding of learning and life on its head. The goal in this strange program was not to do it right, but to learn from our mistakes, failures, and even our sin. The more accustomed I became to this process of learning through vulnerable self-disclosure, the less judgmental and the more graceful it felt. We became a community of fellow learners under graceful judgment.
Recently a friend gave me a book titled, Always We Begin Again - The Benedictine Way of Living. I like the book, but especially the title. One of the vows made by members of Benedictine religious communities is to live a life of conversion. I believe that St. Benedict felt conversion was not a one-time experience of repentance and re-orientation towards Christ, but a daily practice or habit of beginning again under grace. I have come to believe that conversion is a life-long process under grace. Only under grace can we face ourselves honestly in the light of God's Kingdom drawing near in Christ. And only under grace can we welcome Christ's daily…hourly invitation to repent, and to begin again.
Written by Trent Palmer
Trent is a member of the Vestry, worships online at the 8:45 service (as do we all), helps out as needed with Morning and Evening Prayer, co-mentors the EfM class, helps with Community Meals on Mondays, and is doing long neglected chores around his house.