Fear
AM Psalm 119:49-72 • PM Psalm 49, [53]
1 Samuel 25:23-44 • Acts 14:19-28 • Mark 4:35-41
Dear friends, we’ve got a biblical greatest hits moment on our hands today. I’m pretty excited to look at it with you all, as it deals with one of my primary attraction/repulsion emotional experiences: Fear. Anxiety, if you will. Dread, horror, terror, and a little bit of hysteria. Let’s dive in.
In today’s reading from Mark (4:35-41), we find the disciples in a boat with Jesus on the Sea of Galilee when a “furious squall came up and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped” (37). Understandably, the disciples were freaking out, but Jesus was fast asleep. Personally, a good rainstorm makes me feel sleepy too, but I doubt I’d feel serene if I was exposed to the elements in a moment like this, and not inside my sturdy, dry home in Fayetteville, Arkansas.
At this point, everybody kind of gets mad? At everyone else? The disciples feel overlooked and uncared for by Jesus, who is super annoyed because they are laying a heavy trip on Him about His lack of willingness to freak out alongside them. He gets up and commands the storm to cease its fury, “ ‘Quiet! Be still!’ Then the wind died down and it was completely calm” (39). Jesus fussed at the disciples then, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” (40), and they were humbled by what they had just witnessed, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!” (41)
I want to say that I have a lot of compassion for the disciples in this moment. Surrender can feel impossible when we are navigating rough seas. If we let go in that way, what would happen? Something truly awful could happen, we suppose.
Trusting is hard, even though we are reminded frequently by Christ in the scriptures (365 times, ahem) that there is nothing to fear, and that He is always right by our side. We know this, just as the disciples knew this, and we still feel all alone when trouble kicks a bunch of water into our boats. We feel like our problems will sink us, and we will disappear if we don’t work really hard to control them. The truth is that we don’t have control, ever. This fact could be a relief, if only I would let it.
I’ve wrestled with this for a very long time. The feeling of deep relief and wonder that comes when problems work out and my internal seas are smooth again is almost always accompanied by an expression of gratitude mixed with some embarrassment: how long did I wait to ask G_d for help this time? When will I learn?!
I have decided to think of it this way: when I am freaking out, G_d is not freaking out. They know exactly what I need and they will never abandon me.
I know that G_d sees us in our fear and loves us, even when we cannot trust, cannot surrender. I am positive that in those moments, they are holding us so tightly - at least as tightly as we cling to our fears, and then some.
Written by Jane V. Blunschi
Jane is a writer and teacher living in Fayetteville, Arkansas.