Heart Ache

AM Psalm 80 • PM Psalm 77, [79]
Judges 6:25-40 • Acts 2:37-47 • John 1:1-18

No one could lay waste to my emotional state like my mom. She was the kindest, sweetest woman in the entire south and was the beloved matriarch of two very large families, hers and my dad’s. I was the youngest child by 13 years, and I was not spoiled—just loved immensely! I was prone like any youngest child to a bit of misbehavior and was corrected accordingly. It was my mom’s corrections for my emotional disobedience that could twist me up in a knot. I might be able to skirt by being bad in a store but I could never escape her judgement if I was unkind, untruthful, mean, etc. She did not have eyes in the back of her head, but she had a sixth sense when it came to me not “living right.” Her disappointment was worse than any spanking. And sometimes a glance was all it took. You know what I’m talking about.

As I was reading today’s message in Acts, I thought of my mom. When Peter confronted the crowd after Pentecost they were “cut to the heart” and responded, “Brothers what shall we do?” Sounds just like the young me, and it sounds like me today. However, now-a-days most of my meaningful admonishments come in some form from God, and I must admit that I was better at fixing my shortcomings when Mom called me on them.

When I truly realize that I don’t love God with all my heart, mind, strength and soul: am I really cut to the heart?

When I see the poor and needy in my very neighborhood and acknowledge that I do nothing: am I honestly cut to the heart?

When I don’t visit the homebound, the prisoner, the sick and understand my neglect: am I really cut to the heart?

When I don’t give of my time and money to further God’s mission at home and elsewhere: am I truthfully cut to the heart?

When I don’t respond with love when I am wronged: am I cut to the heart?

If I am not truly and deeply cut to the heart by each of these and many other shortcomings, how can I possibly pray “Lord, what shall I do now?”. Thanks be to God that God’s forgiveness is not based on my worthiness. And thanks be to God that His instruction comes regularly to this recalcitrant child as well as to the most pious among us. God never gives up on any of us!

Peter of all people understood how painful in can be to disappoint the Lord. Not long before the scene depicted in today’s reading Peter denied Jesus three times. And with a glance Jesus gave Peter the correction of all corrections. Peter’s heart was at that moment deeply wounded. He wept bitterly. A bit later Jesus “reinstated” Peter—an act of forgiveness and love. I believe this was the ultimate transforming moment for Peter. And now we hear Peter standing before the crowd delivering the good news that Jesus brought salvation to the world.

This is what can happen to us when we feel God’s disappointment and then listen and follow God’s direction. I pray that my heart might be softened and that by doing so, I will be better at doing God’s will. A heart ache brought on by God is a good thing.

Written by Dennis McKinnie

...who is praying for rain.