Thank God for Friends!
FROM THE RECTOR
One piece of wisdom that has been passed down for a couple of generations in my family is the three-fold importance of faith, love, and friendship. I am told that my grandmother expressed that as her wish for her children—a hope that they would have good, strong, loving relationships with Jesus, a spouse, and a best friend. Culturally, we seem to focus a lot of attention on religion and marriage, so the part that interests me most as advice worth receiving is the encouragement to pursue friendship.
Last week, I spent some time with colleagues at an annual peer retreat that we have shared for several years. When we get together, we laugh, pray, dream, and catch up. There are always several deep conversations about theology and best practices, but the most important part is the opportunity to be vulnerable with each other. We can be honest and imperfect and know that this group of friends will respond with love, grace, and support. Our time together each year refuels a friendship that sustains me throughout the year.
After the retreat, I came home to be with some other friends from Alabama who decided to come and visit during the holiday weekend. These friends were members of the parish where I served before moving here. Our friendship blossomed while we lived in the same community, but it has grown and developed since we left. During their visit, we reflected on the nature of friendship itself as we expressed gratitude for the bond that holds us together.
Some friends are “activity friends,” one of our visitors remarked—the sort of companions with whom we enjoy running, playing tennis, or serving on the PTO. Those friendships are important and enjoyable, but they often run their course and change as our interests change. Only a few friendships are maintained across the years in a way that transcends specific circumstances. Our friends from Alabama are among them, and I am grateful that our relationship has become an opportunity to love each other across moments of joy and struggle.
Friendship itself is a gift of God. The Bible includes several stories about deep friendship. Ruth and her mother-in-law Naomi become inseparable after the men in their family die and the two women are left destitute. Naomi tries to send Ruth back to her home country, where her prospects for survival are greater, but Ruth refuses. “Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people and your God my God,” Ruth says. In the struggles that follow, we discover that the Book of Ruth is a story about hesed, the Hebrew word that is sometimes translated “mercy” or “loving-kindness.” It is a central attribute of God’s nature, and the friendship between Ruth and Naomi embodies it.
When David and Jonathan met each other, it was love at first sight. There is nothing in scripture that suggests their relationship was romantic, but the biblical narrative makes it clear that they were soulmates. After killing Goliath, David was presented to the king, where something happened between him and the king’s son Jonathan. The story recalls that, “when David had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was bound to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” In the years that followed, that friendship saved David’s life as Jonathan’s loyalty was tested. Forced to choose between his best friend and his father, Jonathan’s love for David, on whom he could see that the Spirit of God rested, never wavered, and David responded by caring for Jonathan’s family for generations.
This Sunday, the young adults at St. Paul’s are gathering for Friendsgiving—a popular Thanksgiving celebration where a celebratory meal is shared among friends. For some of us, the tradition of gathering with family on the fourth Thursday in November is a challenge either because of the people who will be at our table or because of the people who will not. Friendsgiving is an opportunity to be thankful for the friendships that sustain us in ways that nothing else can.
This year, I am particularly grateful for friendships. Though our Thanksgiving meal will be a small gathering of only family, I will hold in my heart among my chief thanksgivings those friends who love me and allow me to love them back. Friends are one of God’s gifts to us, and they reveal to us something important about God’s nature. As Job’s friends remind us, they are the ones who do not abandon us in our misfortune. As Martha, Mary, and Lazarus show us, they are the ones who remain true even when it costs them dearly.
As my grandmother wished for her children, I also wish for mine, and I wish the same for you as well. May you know the love of God, who is our friend and not a stranger, and may you see that love revealed in the lives of those friends who are closest to you.
Yours Faithfully,
Evan D. Garner