Rite of Reconciliation
The heaviest steps I take are those that approach the confessional, but the lightest and most joyful ones I take are those that come right after. I do not make my confession to a priest very often, but, when I do, I am always glad I did.
Sometimes people are surprised to learn that we use the Rite of Reconciliation in The Episcopal Church. Most of us think of “Confession” as something that Catholics do, but, even though we do not have a confessional booth or set aside specific times for that sacramental rite, we offer it in our tradition as well. I rarely hear confessions, but I always consider it a privilege to do so.
In our tradition, the Rite of Reconciliation is available to anyone who would like it, but it is not required. Over the years, I have heard several people articulate the Anglican approach to Confession as “all may; some should; none must.” In other words, you do not need to confess your sins to a priest, but, if you are having a hard time letting go of your past and trusting that God has forgiven you unequivocally, you might find it worthwhile.
For those who grew up in the Roman Catholic Church, going to Confession may come naturally. As my former bishop once advised Elizabeth and me as we were preparing to get married, “There is no such thing as a former Roman Catholic.” Those words have been a source of grace and freedom for me ever since I heard them. They have helped me understand that, for those who have spent any time immersed in the cultural identity that is Catholicism, some aspects of that tradition will always be a part of their lives, whether they like it or not.
For others who have come from the Catholic Church, Confession may feel like an emotional and spiritual burden. Perhaps you grew up being forced to confess your sins to a priest whom you did not trust. Maybe sin and guilt were wielded as spiritual weapons in your household, school, or church. If that is the case, it is likely that the Rite of Reconciliation is not for you. The good news is that you are still welcome to take part fully in the life of our church.
For those who wonder about the value of Confession, it may help to evaluate that sacramental rite from the perspective of the penitent rather than of that of God or the church. What if we begin with the assumption that Christ’s death on the cross has already guaranteed your forgiveness and reconciliation with God and ask, instead, what difference it might make in your life? What good will it do you to go to a priest and make your confession and hear the words of absolution?
As I mentioned above, it may be that you are having a hard time believing that you have been forgiven and would benefit from hearing someone else assure you of your forgiveness. One-sided reconciliation is better than no reconciliation at all, but wouldn’t it be better if both parties experienced the fullness of forgiveness?
Almost every time we get together for worship, we say the General Confession: “We confess that we have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed.” There is room in those words for all the particular sins of commission or omission that you carry in your heart. When you say those words and hear the priest pronounce the absolution, you can know that you have been forgiven. But sometimes the use of the first-person plural leaves things too ambiguous for us to experience the relief we need. Sometimes we need to be specific—truly personal—and hear a priest say the words of forgiveness specifically to us.
In our liturgies, the only time the words of confession are in the first-person singular is in the Rite of Reconciliation: “I confess to Almighty God, to his Church, and to you, that I have sinned by my own fault in thought, word, and deed.” The thought of saying them aloud to another human being can be terrifying, but it can also be liberating. In the confessional, there is no wiggle room—no sin left unexplored and, in turn, no spiritual crevice left beyond the reach of God’s grace.
If you have said the General Confession week after week but still find yourself recalling with guilt a particular sin from your past, maybe admitting the exact nature of your wrongs to God, yourself, and another human being is what you need to know that even those most stubborn of sins have been forgiven.
The focus should be on you—the penitent. What do you need to experience the fullness of God’s love and mercy? Although no one is required to confess their sins to a priest, some may find it helpful, and all may give it a try.
I hear confessions by appointment, and I feel certain that any of the clergy at St. Paul’s would be willing to hear yours. Here is what would happen if you asked me to hear your confession. First, I would ask if this is a time-sensitive matter. If so, I would be willing to meet you right away. If not, I would work with you to find a time that works for both our schedules, though I tend to think that sooner is better.
Second, I would ask if you are familiar with the Rite of Reconciliation in our prayer book. If not, I would encourage you to read through pages 447-52 in the Book of Common Prayer and decide whether you would rather use Form One or Form Two. (You can read through them here: https://www.bcponline.org/PastoralOffices/reconciliation.html) Form One is closer to the Roman Catholic version of the rite and may be more familiar to those who come from that tradition, while Form Two incorporates more of our baptismal theology and uses the Parable of the Prodigal Son as its foundation. Either form is acceptable.
Third, I would ask if you would like to meet one-on-one to talk about anything that is troubling you before we share the rite itself. Although not necessary, it can be helpful to have a conversation about the pastoral and spiritual concerns you are carrying before going through the liturgy. Normally, if desired, we would meet in my office for that conversation before heading to the church for the sacramental rite.
At some point in the process, I would remind you that the confidentiality of the confessional is absolute. There is nothing that you could confess that I would ever share under any circumstances. The only way that the sacramental rite can be effective is if the penitent believes that their confession will be held in inviolable confidence.
If a child or teenager wanted me to hear their confession, I would want to speak with their parent or guardian before we met. I would ask if it would be okay for that adult to sit in the back of the church, outside of earshot, while their child and I met at the altar rail for confession. I would remind both the adult and the child that what is said in the rite is confidential and that I would not be willing to say anything about it to the parent no matter how difficult or concerning it was.
As a priest, one of the gifts I experience in hearing confessions is the ability to allow that sacramental container to hold anything that is said within the rite without worrying about it bubbling up again. If you confess particularly grievous sins to me at the altar rail, the liturgy provides a framework within which I can leave them there in the church and not experience them welling up when we see each other later on. For the most part, I become amnesic. On the other hand, I do think developing an ongoing relationship with a confessor—perhaps in the context of spiritual direction—can provide some constructive continuity, but it is not necessary.
Again, be assured that you do not need to make your confession to a priest in order to be forgiven by God. I believe that God has already forgiven you even before you repent. But I also recognize that knowledge of that forgiveness can be hard to come by. Sometimes we need help believing that we are forgiven—that God really does love us no matter what. If the Rite of Reconciliation can help you with that, I hope you will let me or one of my colleagues know.
Yours faithfully,
Evan D. Garner
