State of Prayer
Most of our relationships are transactional. We know someone because of what they do for us and what we do for them in return. That does not mean that we should neglect these relationships or treat these individuals as less than the people they are, but it does mean that these people rarely play a role in our lives beyond the transactions that define the connection between us. The cashier at the grocery store, the letter carrier who brings us the mail, the plumber who fixes our broken shower drain—these people get a glimpse into our personal lives, and we treat them with respect, but we do not usually break bread with them. Even physicians and teachers, who care deeply for their patients and students by investing enormous emotional capital in them, maintain an appropriate distance in order to ensure that those relationships remain primarily professional.
Those few relationships that we really treasure, however, lose their transactional quality and become mutually valuable in and of themselves. Good friends may be able to call each other in the middle of the night and ask for a favor, but their relationship is more than that sort of reciprocation. We nourish those friendships because they bring us encouragement, comfort, and joy regardless of what is exchanged. For the first twenty or so years of life, the relationship between parent and child is largely transactional. We provide food, clothing, shelter, and emotional support while our children grow, but, once they are adults, the focus shifts, and the possibility of mutuality grows. Over the years, couples learn to love each other not as an exchange of needs and wants but as an expression of love for love's sake.
I wonder what God thinks of the way that we approach our relationship with God. Typically, organized religion relies on transactional ways of maintaining that relationship. Think about the language we use to describe our worship. We give praise and thanks to God. We present the offerings of our lives and labor at the altar. We petition God in prayer. We receive God's blessing and forgiveness. Yet our relationship with our Creator must be more valuable than what is exchanged between us. What are the non-transactional ways that we nurture our relationship with God? When do we make time to sit in God's presence and do nothing else but enjoy being in the company of our beloved? How do we express our love and gratitude for God without expecting anything in return?
Every week on Wednesday afternoon, the youth group gathers virtually through Zoom. Emma Mitchell, our Youth Minister, invites participants to check in, reflect on the week, and name ways that we can support each other. Each week, she also leads a theological reflection on a different aspect of our spiritual lives, spinning a virtual wheel to determine what topic we will discuss. Last week, the spinner landed on emotions, and we spent some time discussing how we are feeling in this time of pandemic and how our emotions are a reflection of God's presence or absence in our lives. Near the end of the meeting, the conversation turned to prayer and how emotions are a part of our prayer life. Emma asked the youth to find an image on their phones or computers that expressed the emotions that they feel when they are their best selves, and, after showing them to the group, I suggested that our prayer lives should, in part, be a pursuit of that emotional state.
It is easy to think of prayer as an opportunity to exchange our utterances of praise and thanksgiving for the answers or blessings we seek. If we tell God how good God is and thank God for all that God has given us, God may be inclined to grant us what we are looking for. But that approach not only cheapens the nature of prayer and undermines God's loving goodness but also limits our relationship to God as one of pure transaction. God does not love us because we love God back, nor are we called to love God because of what God has given us in the past or what God might give us in the future. Our relationship with God is one of mutual love for love's sake, and our prayers should grow from that love. Like the time we spend with those who love us best, our time in prayer with God should lead us to a state of joy, comfort, encouragement, and love.
At times, though, our prayers challenge us just as time spent with those for whom we care the most can be a challenge. We confront our failures and seek forgiveness. We acknowledge our hurts and ask for support. In the end, though, despite all we give and receive, our relationship with God is one of pure love, and the time we spend in prayer with God is primarily time spent immersed in that love. During this strange season of being apart from the mechanics of corporate worship, look for non-transactional ways to honor your relationship with God in new expressions of prayer. Spend extra time in holy silence. Draw or paint a picture for your beloved. Write a poem or play a song. Let those prayers be a way to fall back in love with God for no reason at all except that God loves you, too.
Yours Faithfully,
Evan