Wandering Home
AM Psalm 34 • Jeremiah 16:14-21 • Mark 1:14-20
PM Psalm 33 • Jeremiah 26:1-15 • Matthew 10:16-32
I’ve often felt out of place, and feeling like I didn’t belong. Sometimes, those feelings were affirmed with instances of intentional exclusion and gatekeeping; sometimes, those feelings were interpreted through the lens of my own insecurities. This sense of imposter syndrome—believing I did not really belong in the academic, ecclesiastical, or other social groups I’ve been part of—has pervaded so much of my life that I began to self-identify as an exile, or pilgrim. If I felt like I did not really belong, then that made sense, because as a pilgrim, I’ve not yet arrived home anyways.
St James the Apostle is often referred to as a patron for pilgrims, and this intersects with the famous site of pilgrimage in Spain, the Santiago de Compostela, where it is alleged that James is buried. As an apostle, James was sent out, as the reading from Matthew makes clear. As a note, “apostle” comes from the Greek word apostolos, and literally means “one who is sent off,” like an emissary (and is actually still a common name in Greek now).
My feelings of pilgrimage may be rooted in other issues, but in truth, I am a pilgrim, trying to wander home. We are all pilgrims, being sent out as emissaries to show the way of God’s love to others, because God’s love is not found in gatekeeping and control. But if we are pilgrims, how do we find our way home? I believe Mark’s gospel helps here. Jesus says “repent, and believe in the good news.” Upon hearing this, James, among others, dropped their fishing nets to follow him, physically demonstrating what repentance looks like. We find our way back home by understanding we are continually sent out, and continually repenting, dropping everything that prevents us from following Jesus.
Written by Nathan John Haydon
Nathan earned his PhD in English studying medieval literature and languages from the University of Arkansas. He’s an Episcopal priest, adjunct professor, Benedictine oblate, and a lover of cats and coffee. In 2021 he moved from Fayetteville, Arkansas to St Louis with his super smart scientist wife, Kathryn.