Their Hearts Were Hardened
AM Psalm 72 • PM Psalm 119:73-96
2 Samuel 3:22-39 • Acts 16:16-24 • Mark 6:47-56
Being one of Jesus’ original disciples – what an exhilarating, frightening, and upending experience this must have been. By this time in Mark’s gospel, the disciples had witnessed Jesus perform healings, deliver amazing teachings, spar with the Pharisees, send them out to perform healing and miracles on their own, calm a storm. And just the day before he had fed 5000 people with five loaves and two fishes.
In today’s reading, the disciples were in a boat on their way to Bethsaida, while Jesus had gone to pray. A strong wind came up, and Jesus came to rescue them, walking on the water! He got into the boat with them and the wind stopped. “Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid,” he said. And this next sentence is the one that got my attention, “And they were utterly astounded, for they did not understand about the loaves, but their hearts were hardened.”
Their hearts were hardened. Sometimes the world is just too much. Amazing things in my life are interspersed with others that are frightening and beyond my understanding, and I shut down. My heart is hardened. The gospel doesn’t tell how the disciples’ hearts opened again. Jesus went to pray while he sent the disciples out in the boat. Earlier in Mark’s gospel Jesus was sleeping in a boat while the disciples rowed the boat. They were frightened by a storm, which Jesus calmed. Jesus knew how to center himself, when to withdraw and pray and commune with God, so that he remained compassionate and open-hearted. The disciples, however, were rowing boats and facing storms while Jesus prayed and slept. I wonder when they prayed, rested, and centered so that their hearts could open again.
For me, it’s an ongoing challenge to open my heart in the face of personal and worldwide mayhem. I feel the fear and confusion that I imagine the disciples felt. I keep plugging away, rowing my boat so to speak, while trying to find time to rest, to meditate, to reconnect with God, to engage in the practices that will help my heart stay open. May we all be able to row our personal boats and keep our hearts open.
Written by Cathy Campbell
Cathy is a semi-retired professional counselor. She advocates for marginalized groups, especially LGBTQ people. Singing with St. Paul’s choir is one way she connects with God and keeps her heart open.